'I didn’t have the privilege of escaping.' 8 TIME journalists reflect on a year of covering stories about their communities
. But I was torn between wanting to make sure they were remembered and worrying about contributing to the idea that they were martyrs, that their deaths were necessary for us to inch closer to equity. I felt alone in the burden of making these choices, as the only Black person who would touch the stories.
As a Malaysian-British woman, I’ve always been conscious of my proximity to whiteness and the way I’m usually racialized, having benefited from white privilege for most of my life. Sometimes I’ve felt uneasy or uncertain in fully voicing my identity as Asian, a hesitation rooted in the self-consciousness that I am less likely to experience the physically violent manifestations of racism in ways that others do.
The attack felt personal, but while I knew her argument was Islamophobic and wrong, I also questioned myself. I felt unprofessional for taking off my stoic reporter hat and engaging with someone’s hateful dialogue on that level. I was so flustered that I had to leave the room. Outside, a state trooper asked me if I was O.K. I said I was, and I still had a story to file, which I did later that day.
One of several stories that made it into the piece was about a Muslim doctor who shaved his beard—which he’d kept for religious reasons—so he could properly wear PPE while treating COVID-19 patients. As he sat with the body of a Muslim man who had been declared dead, the doctor read him a special prayer Muslims say after someone has passed away because he wasn’t sure the patient would get a proper funeral.
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