How some people can shift so quickly from love to hate in a relationship—or vice versa—and what to do about it, according to DarleneLancer
toward her to develop a cohesive view of her and ourselves, meaning that we internalize steady images of our mother ourselves. When mothering isn’t sufficiently nurturing and consistent, we cannot integrate good and bad feelings about her. To cope, we mentally split the good and bad mother into two contrary representations.Hyde Becomes Jekyll and Jekyll Becomes Hyde
Splitting affects us internally and confuses us. It impairs our ability to see ourselves and others as whole persons. When we don’t fully develop object constancy, our ability to become autonomous is compromised. It creates turmoil in close relationships and is associated with anSplitting impairs our ability to remember that we love our partner when we’re angry or, conversely, that our partner is abusive when we feel close.
For example, A client I’ll call Wendy grew up in chaos with a drug addict mother, who sometimes was on the verge of death. Since her mother’swas insufficient, Wendy struggled to accept herself and her long-term partner as good enough. Although occasionally he was emotionally distant, he was helpful and there for her most all the time, including when she had a serious illness.
When he went grocery shopping and forgot something, she flew into a rage, thinking, “How can I rely on and trust this man who can’t remember the three things I needed!” Beneath her anger were deep
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