Understanding some common grief responses can help spouses and their adult children accept and heal from gray divorce. Here's how.
Another grief theorist, Dr. William Worden, professor of psychology at Harvard University, developed a theory involving four tasks of mourning. He designed the tasks to help the person work through grief. The tasks are:Experiencing the pain during which the person works through the pain of grief by talking and acknowledging the loss and how he feels physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Although not specifically about grieving, the research of Dr. W. Thomas Boyce, professor and chief of the Division of Developmental Medicine at the University of California, San Francisco, echoes the research of Dr. Bonanno. In Boyce’s book, he writes about his almost four decades of research as a developmental pediatrician. He describes his discovery that genetic makeup and environment shape behavior.
Emery postulated that the emotions of the spouses swing between feelings of love, anger, and sadness, and the emotions diminish over time. Often adult children of divorcing parents swing through cycles like what Emery found. He also stated that divorce's uncertainties mean that grief in divorce can be delayed, interrupted, repeated, prolonged, and unresolved.
Remember that understanding is the first step in healing for you, your family, and your friends. Assess how these grief theories help you understand what you have been experiencing and where you are in your grief process. Also, ascertain where your nuclear family, extended family, and support system members are in their grief process. You are all on your paths of grieving and eventual healing. The paths and timeframes may not be the same.
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