I don’t want to dwell. I want to move on, get up and grow up, like an Ariana Grande lyric rather than a Lana Del Rey one.
But nothing is too small to feel crap about. And what is small anyway? Even if a relationship is short or casual, it can still mean something. I’ve like-liked a lot of people, but I haven’t felt the same sureness I did with him very often at all. The thought of me and him made sense in my head. It’s understandable that, when it didn’t work out, it would hit me hard.
After admitting my feelings to my friend, I felt so much better. It made me realise how impossible they are to change. You can accept that you’ll be happier without a person, that now’s not the right time, that one or both of you did something wrong, but you can’t talk you way into actually going off them. You just have to wait.
In fact, there’s only one way to speed up the process, and that’s to keep on living your life in a way that makes you happy. To leave the party when it stops being fun, to lie on the grass and look up at the sky until the clouds start to bend and morph into shapes you can’t believe were made by chance, sitting on people’s knees and snogging them in public even though you should be self-conscious. And just by living, you’ll get to a point where that person matters a lot less than they used to.
I remember, when I was going through a break-up, something my mum said that really helped. I told her I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that my ex and I would get back together one day, and she told me to just let myself think that. “As long as you’re not thinking it’ll happen next week or anything,” she explained.
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