Ask Roe: It’s extremely unusual for me to come across a guy that I not only feel comfortable with but that I am actually attracted to and willing to take my clothes off for
I am a 35-year old single woman. I have only ever been in one long-term relationship and that ended more than 10 years ago. It took me a very long time to get over it and since then, I’ve been single apart from a few flings. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was nearly 25 so I missed out on all the teenage sexual experimentation and experiences. Consequently, I am very inexperienced in bed.
What you need to do is stop talking about yourself in such negative, judgmental terms. Do you see the only options you’ve presented? You’re either a “desperate loser” or you need to “cop on and have some self-respect”.
This is a man who will make you feel used and alone and abandoned, and part of you is drawn to him because you believe you don’t deserve better. You do Shame often keeps us focused on what other people think of us, instead of allowing us to notice our own desires and experiences. It’s noteworthy that you’ve convinced yourself this man didn’t enjoy sex with you and that it’s somehow your fault – and yet you don’t mention if the sex was good for you, and whether he was a good and attentive partner.
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